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There is the type of depression that surpasses the body, where one might feel physical pleasures regardless of their mental state, due to detachment/despondency.

Then there is the type of depression that instead infuses the physical, riddles it with complications, where one can feel no physical pleasure because the body is as pained as the soul. One might feel hunger, but find the thought of food, of physical act of eating, completely unappetising, as pointless as trying to feed a robot that just cannot understand.

To succumb to either of these types of depression is easy; it is when one's defence mechanisms of desensitisation to the ridiculousness of everything are weakened, through whatever cause. Or when one can simply think about how easy it is for something negative to occur, and subconsciously make it so. A better example would be reflecting on how easy it is for something NOT to happen; how easy it is not to feel pleasure, when you conceive wholly of the fact that you can only feel pleasure when you mentally allow yourself, which takes more effort than detaching from it.  How easy it is not to find something funny when you realise that laughing and finding amusement take mental effort; you have to ignore various things, make the effort of contextually relating to something, and of "letting go", for would you really laugh if you were thinking fully about the ridiculousness of everything? About how everyone is a meat puppet propped up on bones, would anything really be genuinely heart-warming, or funny, or pleasurous.

No, you can only enjoy your sad, tiny, tragic little lives when you deny what they truly are.



Medical Education Online

Interesting medical essays HTML:

Effects of Internet Use on Health and Depression: A Longitudinal Study:


Learning in a Virtual World: Experience With Using Second Life for Medical Education:




trying to hunt down that old game...cant remember the title

must find ittt

Rastan saga? has skeletons, jewels, undergounr dlevel,s but i cant see the end levels that i remember

shadow of the beast? saint sword?

An orbit of despondency

My mind orbitted its own despondency with something akin to reverence

However, I feel just fine right now.

Blood loss

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tachycardia Tachycardia - can incidentally be caused by hypothyroidism, it mentions blood loss and all main causes though.

Aloe can help survival during severe blood loss?

I initially searched into this mainly because I was wondering whether panic/increased heart rate sped up blood flow (and therefore blood loss), (and therefore one's demise), OR, does the quickened blood flow aid the situation, seeing as the heart's natural response to blood loss is to speed up and release adrenaline as a reaction to lower available oxygen and/or volume of blood itself. Does speeding up of heart rate and blood flow enable the remaining oxygen to be distributed in a way that attempts to simulate the regular amounts.

It is mentioned that aloe increases circulation, and the rats that were injected with it during severe blood loss lived longer than rats that were injected with regular saline. However, the improved circulatory function does pose the risk of obstructing coagulation. Therefore aloe could be useful to prolong a patient's life, whilst further treatment/aid/procedures are taken to stem the blood flow, or a transfusion is made. 

So, is the natural rush of adrenaline, which is automatic in the situation of severe blood loss, helpful? Or is it an inevitable symptom, induced by hemorrhagic shock, which essentially speeds up one's demise?

Heightened heart rate and blood flow BUT lower blood pressure.

blood flow but lower oxygen and blood volume.

If the heart slowed dramatically rather than speeding dramatically once heavy blood loss is induced, the lowered blood pressure would have an intensified impact...therefore it could be theorised that the over-compensation the heart makes in speeding faster is an attempt to normalise the body and pump oxygen to the parts that need it most. 

HOWEVER, with wounds, such as those on major arteries, like the jugular, the heavier blood flow would result in a quicker death. 

Ian Goulden

Note to self

I need to read the rest of the Windsinger trilogy, the first one was innocently charming. I saw Isabelle tonight, and she advised I read House of Nihgt series. Sounds like kind of an immature read, but I like vampire things even when they're typical teen fiction. Izzy and I went for a nighttime walk in the snow, and got pictures in the graveyard as we chased each other around, walking over the dead. I'm not religious so this matters not, but I have a respect for keeping graves and the church itself in it's normal working order, so I would not graffiti one, despite being against religion. I like churches as actual buildings, because they are some of the only places, easily available, that actually preserve olden times. I like the stark silence, the emptiness, the breezes that come from nowhere, the echo of footsteps and musty smell. I like the art and architecture.

Alone or lonely

Alone time is good. Afterall... 'If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.' - Jean-Paul Sartre